Grandma Rides Again
by NeedWings2Fly
Summary: Grandma Mazur has some fun :)


I own nothing.

*Warnings* Spew warning, don't read if you are easily offended

**Grandma Mazur POV**

My name is Edna Mazur aka Grandma Mazur aka Granny aka 'Stop her, don't let her strip'. I live with my son in law, Frank and my wet blanket of a daughter Helen. I won't tell you how old I am (unless you want to meet my cannon), I have some of the sexiest legs ever, some nice knockers for an older lady, and currently pink / green / purple / blue hair (Lula helped me with it). I was planning on possibly having some fun today so I dressed in a black mini skirt, knee high black badass boots, and a red corset top. I looked hot. I waited until Frank was out with the cab and Helen had gone to the store before I took the keys to my 1953 Buick, Big Blue. I don't care what they say; just because I don't have a license doesn't mean I can't drive. I got in the Buick and realized that I might have a problem since with the seat all the way up; I still couldn't reach the pedals. I got out and got blocks of wood and attached one to each pedal. I got back in and tried again. Success, I could reach. I backed carefully out of the garage and aimed Big Blue towards Pleasure Treasures.

When I got to Pleasure Treasures, I went in and saw Carol standing at the counter, "What's up Carol? Any freaks today?"

"Hey Ed, its cool. No freaks till you." Carol started laughing broken with a smokers cough.

I went through the store and picked out a few sex toys and some condoms for my grand daughter, Stephanie and her hot Cuban piece of ass, Ranger. I grabbed a few more treats for them and some more for me. I paid and went to big blue with a blue and white next to it. I watched as Eddie and Big Dog got out of their car and walked up to mine.

I smiled, "Hello boys, wanna try my new toys with me?"

Big Dog laughed, "No thanks Grandma. Are you driving without a license?"

"Nope, not me. I haven't driven in years."

Eddie looked pained, "Granny, Helen will have my ass if I let you drive. Hell, Steph will remove my nads."

I laughed, "Don't worry about it guys. You didn't see me." I waved and got in the car. I drove forward then backed up into their cruiser so that they couldn't follow me. I put my middle finger up out the window as I hollered sorry. I headed to Domino's cause I heard they were hiring dancers. I walked into the strip club and asked for the manager. A fat, balding man walked up to me, "Can I help you ma'am?"

I wiggled my teeth around in my mouth, "I want a job dancing. I have some awesome moves." I started dancing with plenty of hip gyrations. I had only gotten my shirt off when the guy stopped me, "Don't take off any more! Please, I wanna be able to get hard again sometime in my life."

I put my shirt back on in a huff then kicked him in the nuts, "Ass goblin!"

I left Domino's and once again saw Eddie and Big Dog, "Not now boys, I'm not in the mood."

They approached cautiously as the manger came out yelling about pressing charges. I tried creeping past but Big Dog grabbed my arm so I grabbed his package and let me tell you that they don't call him Big Dog for nothing.

"Hot damn Big Dog, are you gonna handcuff me and plunder me with the BIG dog in your pants?" I felt the cuffs snap on and Big Dog just smirked and went to put me in the cruiser, "I'm driving!" I yelled but I was put in the back.

At the station, I was finger printed, read my Miranda rights, photographed (I pretended I was in Kiss), and put in a holding cell with other women. I walked up to one lady and asked if she was in charge and if so, let's fight.

She looked at me like I was nuts, "You wanna fight me skinny ass granny."

"Well, in prison, you're supposed to find the one in charge of the other inmates and make them your bitch."

After that we had a blast. We played cards, yelled obscene things at the guards, did our hair, it was a pip.

**Stephanie POV**

I walked up to Robin Russell at the cage, "What did Grandma do this time?"

Robin started laughing and eventually fell on the floor. Morelli came to see what was going on and took me and Ranger into his office.

"Cupcake, your grandmother is a menace to society. She's in here for driving without a license, destruction of state property, assault, and sexual assault. I don't know if we can get her off. The best we may be able to do is get Big Dog to drop the charges so she doesn't have to go on the sex offender list."

I sat there with my jaw dropped open as I listened to Morelli. Ranger was silently shaking with laughter next to me. Big Dog came in at that point and said he was dropping the charges so at least no sex offender list for Grandma Mazur.

Ranger finally stopped silently laughing, "I'll call my lawyer Babe. This is the best. My Abuela Rosa never does things like this."

Ranger's lawyer showed up and we posted bail for Grandma.

**Grandma Mazur POV**

Robin came and got me from my cell saying that Ranger got me a lawyer and posted bail. I called goodbye to my friends in lock up and walked out. I saw Stephanie and Ranger waiting for me with smiles on their faces with a tall hottie in a suit.

I walked up to the hottie, "Hey hot stuff, are you my get out of jail present?"

"No, I'm your" I grabbed his package at that point.

Steph grabbed at me, "Grandma no! He's your lawyer. We just got a sexual assault charge dropped, don't get another. You don't want to be on the sex offender list."

I sighed and shifted my teeth but I let go. We all turned to leave when Ranger's cell phone went off. He had a brief conversation before hanging up and turning a shocked face on Steph.

"My..my…my Abuela Rose is in jail for damages to a strip club and to a bar during a riot while she was mud wrestling. I have to go to Miami. Babe, can you come with me?"

Stephanie laughed as we got outside, "Sure Batman, we rescued my Grandma now let's rescue yours."

The End or is it? Perhaps the grandmas will conspire to meet. He he he.


End file.
